I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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