he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
