i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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