...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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