So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
