so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
