your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
