Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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