Your mouth is God's brothel.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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