i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
