Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
