So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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