booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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