my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
