Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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