Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
