just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
