True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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