You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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