You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you traded sex for a burrito?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
