i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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