I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
pop tarts are not kleenex
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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