Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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