I wish I could teleport
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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