dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
