at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
