You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
