I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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