Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
