I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
