I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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