You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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