Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
