you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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