I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
