I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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