her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
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He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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