Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
