I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
