the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
