I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i think i just lost a toe
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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