Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
