It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
