don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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