Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
