its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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