Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what day is it and did you see me today?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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