There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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