I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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