He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
