What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
