oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
