you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
