I got chris browned last night
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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