Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
