Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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