If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
