Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
