Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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