I want to have your abortion
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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