glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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