I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
