let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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