she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Randomize
