Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
