How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
