So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
