Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
