u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
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Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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