Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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