I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
