How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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