its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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