omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
